.png)
Supporting a parent who denies their mental health issues is challenging, especially when that parent is narcissistic, controlling, and demeaning. The emotional toll can be overwhelming, but with
the right strategies, you can protect your well-being while navigating this difficult relationship. Here’s a guide on what you should do—and what you should avoid—in this complex situation.
What You Should Do
1. Recognize the Narcissistic Dynamics - Understand that narcissistic individuals often have an inflated sense of self-importance, lack empathy, and need constant admiration. Recognizing these traits in your parent will help you set realistic expectations and maintain better emotional boundaries.
2. Lead with Empathy, Not Confrontation - Approach your parent’s mental health with empathy rather than confrontation. Express your concerns in a loving and non-judgmental way to open a dialogue without triggering defensiveness.
3. Set Firm Boundaries and Stick to Them - Establish clear boundaries regarding behaviors you won’t tolerate, such as verbal abuse or manipulation. Communicate these boundaries calmly and consistently enforce them to protect your mental well-being.
4. Educate Yourself and Share Gently - Research potential mental health conditions your parent might be experiencing. When the time feels right, share this information in a non-threatening way to introduce the topic without making them feel cornered.
5. Validate Yourself - Trust your feelings and experiences, especially when your parent’s behavior causes you to doubt yourself. Surround yourself with supportive people who affirm your emotions and help counteract your parent’s negative impact.
6. Seek Professional Guidance for Yourself - Working with a therapist can help you develop strategies for managing your relationship with your parent while building resilience. External support is crucial for maintaining your mental health in such a challenging situation.
7. Encourage Positive, Indirect Changes - If your parent isn’t ready to confront their mental health directly, encourage positive lifestyle changes, like healthy eating or engaging in hobbies, that can improve their well-being without directly challenging their denial.
8. Foster a Supportive Environment - Create an environment that encourages your parent to reconsider their stance on mental health. Engage in activities that promote connection and purpose, which can help them feel less isolated and more open to change.
9. Limit Contact if Necessary - If your parent’s behavior is consistently harmful and they refuse to respect your boundaries, consider limiting or cutting contact. Protecting your mental health is a priority, and sometimes stepping back is the healthiest choice.
10. Focus on What You Can Control - While you can’t change your parent, you can control how you respond and take care of yourself. Maintaining your boundaries, seeking support, and nurturing your well-being will help you regain a sense of empowerment.
11. Practice Self-Care Relentlessly - Caring for a narcissistic parent can be draining. Prioritize self-care activities that rejuvenate you and help you decompress. Remember, taking care of yourself is not selfish—it’s necessary.
12. Prepare for Emotional Manipulation - Be aware that narcissistic parents often use guilt, shame, or anger to control others. Recognize these tactics and develop strategies to protect yourself, such as stepping away from toxic situations.
What You Should Not Do
1. Don’t Engage in Power Struggles - Avoid getting drawn into arguments or power struggles. Engaging in conflicts with a narcissistic parent only feeds their need for dominance and leaves you feeling drained. Instead, disengage from confrontations whenever possible.
2. Don’t Expect Them to Change - Don’t expect your parent to acknowledge their mental health issues or change their behavior. They must come to terms with their situation on their own, and your role is to provide support, not to fix them.
3. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally - Narcissistic parents often use demeaning tactics to maintain control. It’s important not to take their behavior personally. Their actions are a reflection of their issues, not your worth.
4. Don’t Neglect Your Own Needs - Caring for a narcissistic parent can consume all your energy if you let it. Don’t neglect your own needs in the process. Prioritize your well-being and set aside time for activities that make you feel good.
5. Don’t Let Them Violate Your Boundaries - Once you’ve set boundaries, don’t allow your parent to violate them. If they repeatedly cross the lines you’ve established, it’s a sign that you may need to limit contact to protect yourself.
6. Don’t Engage in Emotional Manipulation - Narcissistic parents are skilled at manipulating emotions to control those around them. Don’t engage in or respond to guilt trips, shaming, or other manipulative tactics. Stay firm in your boundaries and protect your emotional well-being.
7. Don’t Ignore the Need for Professional Help - Dealing with a narcissistic parent is emotionally taxing. Don’t ignore the need for professional support, whether it’s through therapy, support groups, or other resources that can help you navigate this difficult relationship.
8. Don’t Overextend Yourself - While it’s natural to want to help your parent, don’t overextend yourself to the point where your own health suffers. Know your limits and respect them, understanding that you can only do so much.
Supporting a narcissistic, controlling, and demeaning parent who denies their mental health issues is an incredibly difficult experience. However, by focusing on what you *should* do—like setting boundaries, seeking support, and practicing self-care—and avoiding what you *shouldn’t* do—like engaging in power struggles or neglecting your own needs—you can navigate this complex relationship with resilience and protect your well-being.
As you struggle to support your parents ever changing emotions, I'm here to support you.
Kelly Mitchell - CRC, CC, ACC-ICF
Resilient Life Coaching
Springdale, Nova Scotia
(902) 740-5633
Comments